He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
