I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
