you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
