I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
