dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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