I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
