I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
