I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
