I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
