just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
