I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
