Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
