I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Where is the hickey?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
