he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
