Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize