I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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