dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
