The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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