Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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