i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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