rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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