You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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