if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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