She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
