I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
