Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
