dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
do nipples grow back?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
