You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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