the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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