Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There are leaves in my underwear?
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