My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
