when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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