He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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