dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
