Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
