Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
