you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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