Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
