My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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