this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
