...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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