Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
