haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
