Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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