M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
