Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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