just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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