thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
