We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
