he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
