Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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