I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
