God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
