I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
