I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
