I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
