The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
