i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
