Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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