she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
