I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
