Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
