I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
