Jerry, you need to find god
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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