If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
