i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
