i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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