My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
